it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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