you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
