Pants 0. Shit 1.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
