last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Two words: blizzard sex
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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