Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
