Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
bring money and cleavage
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
