I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
