I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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