just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
