Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
