Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
