I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
