I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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