is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
