he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
