There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
