i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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