So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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