I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize