there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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