there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
