You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
