I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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