my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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