god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
not ubering you a puppy
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
