so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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