I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
