I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
