I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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