I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
