you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
