Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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