I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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