I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
