I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize