no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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