I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm having to shit out rocks
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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