i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think a kid would responsible me up
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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