the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
