I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
