so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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