My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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