Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
