I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think I am morally bankrupt
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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