If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
