Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
