We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
