He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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