I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
