she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
