Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
