o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
