In the future we'll all be gay
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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