What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
