He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
