just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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