How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
