OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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