i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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