I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
