i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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