the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
