i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
