He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
