Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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