My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
