Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize