I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
