it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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