the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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