now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
