You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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