She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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