It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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