Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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