I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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