My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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