If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
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i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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