My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize