8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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