So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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