Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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