I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
