You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
