I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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