Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I need to calm my uterus...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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